Friday, 6 September 2013

HOW TO- BECOME A MODEL

Tall, skinny, lanky, slender,toned chest, defined torso, bubble butt, Almost like a mannequin. 2013 is all about skinny. 

Hello there my lovely readers. Today’s post is brought to you by “MY LAME ASS ATTITUDE”.

For all the 10’s of you who read my blog (yes I finally said it because I don’t think that more than 10 people read my blog and that’s the reason I get drunk before doing the Google analytical count, so that my buzz would make the zeros look multiplied. Sighhh
Anyway… so for all my blog readers who have an eating disorder just like I have and like to eat and eat and wonder why you do not get a skinny body like MODELS? I have a simple solution for you.

Thanks to my dear friend Jacopo Frallicciardi from Rome for gracing my blog with his picture.


HOW TO BECOME A MODEL-

  • Do not eat solid food- It’s considered a mortal sin. Drink water early morning, poop, get fresh, drink some lemon water, have two spoon full of cereals. Keep all the food items out of your reach. Go to your bedroom. Stick a teen model’s photo on your wall, look at it,  tie a rope around your stomach and tell yourself- “I’m going to be skinny”. YELL IT OUT LOUD.

  • Eat a cheese cube- (Let me throw in a bit of Devil Wears Prada). When  you think you are about to faint,then have a piece of cheese cube.  Not more than that ha….. you don’t wanna be called fat by all those ugly people out there  (now I am Amanda Bynes) lol.

  • Wear a girdle- If you are a woman then consider wearing a corset or a girdle and if you are a man then go to the men’s section of Victoria’s Secret and ask for Men’s girdle (talking Will &Grace). They will probably hurt real bad as your tummy will be squeezed to size 0 from size ….. ( well lets jot go there). You might experience occasional dizziness due to hunger pangs and every walking by person may look like a ham and cheese burger and your brain will almost get no oxegen but who cares because at the end of the day your pictures will come out perfect and that’s what matters rite?

  • Gym 24/7-  Consider going to the gym all the 7 days of week. Do not talk to anyone there specially the trainers as they will suggest you to eat but bare in mind that models do not eat.

  • Live in denial- If in this process you fall sick and collapse and the doctors tell you that you’re getting anorexic and you need to eat then just deny that. Like doctor’s know human body so well………pppfffffffff!!!!!

  • Put make up- If you see you are getting dark circle and your eyes are constantly eager for rest then start using lot of make up. People must not know what you have been doing to get skinny. They must only feel jealous. That’s the whole idea rite??


Back to reality.

My dear friends…. Please do not do anything that I just mentioned above. I have a habit of talking crap. No matter how intelligent I try to talk, it still is considered stupid.
You do not need to be skinny to look like a model. Just stay fit. Be confident. Keep your self image strong, eat right, exercise, dress well. You do not need to look like a cut out of a magazine in real life. You can just be yourself and look as good and never ever be afraid to express yourself. For some health tip, take a look at my last month's blog about fitness which I did with a friend of mine.



4 comments:

  1. Very well wrote ! I have the same ideas, we don't need to look like models

    ReplyDelete
  2. Nice post !

    have a lovely day

    xx Julien

    http://oohjules.com

    ReplyDelete